Hadn't Expected That
by NabikiB
Summary: It's not every day that the Doctor meets someone who calls him on his bullshit...at first glance.
1. Texas

_**It's not every day that the Doctor meets someone who calls him on his bullshit...at first glance.**_

* * *

 _ **01**_

 _ **Hadn't Expected That**_

 _ **Texas**_

* * *

She sighed when she saw which one she seemed be stuck with, but set a pair of lounge chairs down, handed him one and unfolded the other for herself before carefully easing down on it beside him at an outdoor concert in Houston, Texas anyway. He watched the painful movements with a frown, put out a hand to help her seat her self safely when she nearly fell, then pulled out his sonic and scanned her, his frown deepening into concern as he examined the results. No wonder she looked like she was in pain. She _was_ , quite a bit of it, in fact, from the look of the scans.

"How'd you get this badly off?"

"Did you check for fire ants and red pissants _before_ you sat down? Get up and use the lounge chair, gets your butt off the ground and you are tons less likely to get ant bit that way." She asked him, not choosing to answer the question yet. She was scattering fireant pellets and ant-traps...lots of them.

"Yep." He popped the 'p' loudly, but used the chair...it was a good precaution. "Those little things are _dangerous_." He didn't mind her not answering, not with a concern like _that_. "Not sure but what the little ones are worse than the big ones." He muttered scanning the pellets with the sonic...along with a raised eyebrow at the results, wincing at the memory of several bites. He appreciated her caution.

"Good." She hesitated on the placement of the last trap, then glanced at him, let him take it from her and put it in a spot she'd missed. "The little ones are called red pissants and _they're_ worse. Harder to see, meaner, faster, more aggressive, more of them, can get in your ears and nose...other bodily openings fast... _eat you from the inside out_. American Indians once used them as a particularly painful form of execution...staked out naked criminals over a nest and poured honey over them as an incentive for the ants...as if they need any incentives." She paused to shudder. "They're called pissants cuz fresh urine is the fastest fix for bad stings...like if they swarm up your leg or something. Just pee on yourself...works for most humans. Just be glad they're not much bigger...I can think of one set of folks in particular they'd give a good account of themselves against. No, on second though, make that two set of folks...we had some of those cyber-idiots a few years back...showed up when the queens were mating. Turns out Cybermen make good nests, apparently cyber-technology is no match for common pissants...not that anything organic in there lasted long...and once the brain eaten, _well_..."

 _"Ew."_ He made a face. 'Gross. On all counts."

"Yeah." She sounded rather down in the dumps. "And that's not even counting what happens if you step on or sit down on a nest. Worse than yellow-jacket wasps"

" _Ow_. That sounds painful."

"It can be. Worse than those underground living brown hornets, too."

"Is something wrong? Other than your bones, I mean. Those are a _mess_ , by the way, far softer than they _should_ be."

"Not surprised you noticed. I'm trying to find excuses to not have a discussion with you that I really don't want to have and know I have to...but I don't know how to say this, um, nicely." She told him vaguely. "I ain't the sort to sugar coat things. Blunt, that's me. Don't want to hurt you though, been through too much in too short a period, got to be said, though, _no way around it_. It would be highly irresponsible on my part if I didn't, and frankly someone needs to say something." She finally looked at him, taking in the tiredness on his face, noted the widened eyes and the way his body slouched. "You're exhausted, makes this a poor choice in scheduling for it but I just don't have the leisure to put it off much longer and hope you'll self-correct."

"Yeah, a bit." He watched the woman closely as she blew out a breath, he got the feeling she knew exactly who he was. "Tell me what?"

"This should clue you in really fast: I ain't from around here. _This is not the reality I went to bed in last night_. You're not real there, Doctor. I prefer it here, so I'm glad it's a late life you but, honestly, that whole _not thinking_ thing _scares_ me. Seriously, did you really have to turn _that_ particular oxymoron into a fact? I guess you're okay in this body, _not_ my favorite... _not by a long shot_ , but you'll do, I suppose. You're what's _available_ , so...I guess I don't have much choice. It's just that this you is the only you that I know of that's seems to be allergic to actually _using_ that honking big brain and _that_ makes me nervous. No, it _terrifies_ me because I've got to allow for a little factor I'm going to call The Doctor's Average Luck...and I like you, this you and most yous, but...we gotta get this you thinking... _regularly_ , yes?"

"Yeah." It was his turn to sigh. "Got to figure _that_ in. Which oxymoron?"

" _Stupid_ Time Lord. Has it occurred to you to allow past selves to help? Allow those skill-sets to the surface to handle stuff this set can't? Hells man, thought that was the point of all the lives, to increase ability, not just trade them off."

He gave her an incredulous look.

"What? It's _obvious_ , isn't it? Nevermind First, if we got little Second, so forgiving that one, found excuses for nearly anyone for almost anything...up for a chat and I explained a few things about this you to that you, what do you think that you would have to say to yourself about it, _hmmm?"_

He flinched.

 _"Thought so."_

"Erm, yeah, rather. _Should've_ been obvious and yeah, Second would not be happy, anyway, I'll have chat with myself, _several_ selves...later. So, I'm not _real_ there." He repeated, eyeing her, not really enjoying her assessment of his brain activity, but not arguing with it, either. She had a point and she seemed _very_ disappointed in him. He sighed, all she really wanted was for him to use his head. And really, he should be, he knew that. Should have never stopped and he figured that's where her disappointment was coming from.

"No."

* * *

"But you know about me?"

" _Yeah_ , me and several tens of millions of other Earth humans called the Doctor Who fanbase. Unfortunately for you, you're stuck with a middle-aged, granny style fan-girl."

"A _fan-girl_...oh no... _that_ sounds like telly."

 _"Oh yeah."_ She blew a raspberry at him for his disgusted expression.

"Fiction, then. I'm _fictional_ , where you are from."

"So, can you _really_ lock up things you shouldn't know yet?"

"Yeah, I _can_."

"Good, since I will use that...probably a lot. For instance, I can honestly say I hoping for the First one from the second lifecycle. You get reset, y'know."

 _"Reset?"_

"The Eye controlled that. No Eye, nothing stopping you. See what I mean about the 'not thinking' thing? Any particular reason that a _human_ should have had _to point that out_ to you?"

" _Ah_. No. No excuses on something _that_ obvious." He breathed, flushed and clearly embarrassed. "So..."

"So, you've been in a blind panic for what?" She groused. "Done 27 Planets yet? Or crashed your version of the TARDIS into Five's yet?"

"No. Not either. Just said good bye to..."

"Ah, yeah. I wondered if it'd be the Supernova or the Beach: Supernova it is and that's good, really. First, we don't actually need Donna for this since I know what happened. And second, it means we can fill in the plot-holes. Oh, yeah, third...I know how you can get Rose back...but it needs a baby self helping." She told him, watching his eyes go wide. "One of the babies who can still traverse between realities and universes...duh? You still get to do the logistics, though. Now, before I point out the obvious, **_again_ ** and tell you what needs doing for the Rose Retrieval Program, listen up, you go get Jack and the pair of you need to deal with this little incursion." And then she told him about the Rancross and what their plans were, where they were and what they were doing."

She went silent for a few moments and let that bit sink in while she dug into her softpack snack-pack, dug out enough apple-juice and fresh fruit for both of them. When he nodded, she handed him a banana and some juice, then opened a container of applesauce as she continued.

"Moving right along, the guy currently ahead in the polls for Prime Minister in England is the Master...might want to nip that in the bud before it goes on too much longer, let's see what else, oh, yeah, you need to take your spare hand away from Jack...not sure...no, _sorry_ , that's a lie since I know to a fair certainty what he's _doing_ with it, come on, this _**is** _ Harkness we're talking about, after all. I just really _don't_ want to think about it if I can help it. Thing is, I thought maybe that was a _bad_ thing?

"Yeah, that's a bad thing being this is _Jack_ we're discussing, he's probably using my hand to...oh, gross... _ **ew**_ _."_ He pulled a face. "That would be bad enough _without_ The Master's involvement."

"Yeah. Very 'ew'. I wonder if the replacement hand can feel it when he _does things_ to the original?" She asked, grinning broadly at his revolted expression. "Better not let Jack see you with your tongue out _that_ far."

"Oh, you just, ugh...just _had_ to put _that_ mental image in my mind didn't you...bleh!"

"What else, oh... _yeah_...the Alter-verse Torchwood _over there_ , is involved in something ambitious and Rose is in it to her eyebrows. Now, over there in the alter-verse, the other Torchwood has got these little gizmos that can take a single passenger and punch a pinhole right through the void and the wall. Guess who's doing the punching?"

"Oh. She _would_ , wouldn't she?"

"She's gotten it into her head that she's _got_ to find _this_ you...so you need tell your TARDIS to have the younger yous watch for her and snag her up and let _you_ do the work, instead of punching hundreds of little _pinholes_ in the universal fabric...because she's _that_ determined to get back to _this_ you. Only she keeps missing and finding your younger selves..."

"It could _kill_ her." There was distinct horror in his tone and his eyes.

"Yeah, she knows that, the thing is she doesn't _care_ , if there is the slightest chance she can find you, this you, she's going to give it everything she has. Now, before Jack does something really stupid and ends up with a metacrisis or something, with that hand, I best tell you that she doesn't want a copy, she wants you, Time Lord, not whatever that hand could be...that's why I want to delay your introduction to Donna. Rose'd _rather_ be dead than _not_ be with you, _losing you hurts her_ _ **that**_ _much_. She just wants to come home, to her that means the TARDIS and you mean _far_ more to Rose than Jackie _ever_ will. Jackie knows it, too. Rose has made it very, _very_ clear to her mother that if she can find the right universe, she'll dump the hopper let it get dragged back without her."

"That's harsh on Jackie."

"Believe it or not, Rose is actually safer with you than with her mother. Jackie had a parade of less than savory men through her bed all the years she raised Rose, and apparently, so did the alter-verse's Jackie...and some of those lovers have had their collective asses handed to them by Rose over the time she's been there...but she shouldn't have to continuously fight off unwanted men. What you have got to get into that vast brain of your's, is that last you was the very first responsible adult male Rose had ever known...and Jack was the second, she saw him as a big brother. See? She loves you, seriously. You had her from 'run'. The incident with the reapers...that's when she found out that she could live with losing her parents but you meant more, were more important to her. Watching you get ate nearly drove her insane...the memory of it is what drove her to open the console to start with."

"Oh." He paused, wonder on his face. "I...didn't _realize_."

* * *

" _Idiotic male_ , she's _loves_ you, she is seriously, deeply _in_ love with you. When a human female falls in love, you get more than her heart, cuz her mind and spirit are also given. It's not a gift you can return because it's already bound up in your own, to her, she's no longer a _separate_ individual because everything that makes Rose 'Rose' is bound up and invested in _you_ , _so you need to take good care of what she has given you_. I thought you _got_ a demonstration of what 'committed' means when Rose spells that word? She takes promises _seriously_. And I think that in order to survive that thing in her head long enough to get back in time to do you any good, your ship probably altered her...did a Margaret thing with Rose's full approval. She's very probably _not_ aging. And Rose will do _whatever_ she thinks she must do if it means successfully getting back to _you_. No matter the cost to her, she will pay it without even thinking about it, just set her heels, grit her teeth and move forward, onward, closer to you, back to her life, her Doctor...her _man_."

 _ **"What?"**_

"You didn't check, did you? After all that, any _prior_ self would have had her in the medbay checking her out _right down the genome_ , but not this you. _What's up with_ _ **that**_ _?"_ She watched him pale. "So, you have me to babysit and take that literally...and trust me on this, I'm _not_ a runner. At all...can't, not with legs that have this much wrong with them. I'm more of a sitter than a runner, and in not too much more time, crawl will be my best form of locomotion. So, tag Fifth, because with the excessively gentle ways you had in that form you will reassure her, she'd be able to set Tegan back on _her_ heels and you'll have some backup that's trained already. You should be able to locate her quickly and _Rose_ won't mind if the TARDIS just materializes around her, picks her up and carries her off. This you _knows_ that, so lie to Five and tell him that's what you remember that you doing."

"Yeah, Rose won't mind." He smiled a bit. " _Tegan_ had a fit the one time I did it to _her_." He laughed.

"Yeah, 'bout that...I don't think I'd advise her to do that in Rose's presence. She doesn't often do a 'Jackie' on someone, _but when she does_...you _don't_ really want it to be you, y'know? Especially since two versions of _you_ taught her to fight. Anyway, have Five do the med work and that way the results should be in this version's memory banks immediately, idiot. As I said, did you have to make a fact out of that particular oxymoron? Simple to get Rose back during the crash, Five's way too early for her anyway."

"Yeah, I can do that. That doesn't break the rules... _much_."

"Or at all since all Five will be doing is retrieving a person from the _wrong_ space, the _wrong_ time and putting her back where and when she _belongs_. Now, get me up off this ground and let's go get my trailer. It can't stay _here_."

"True. Very true." He hauled himself to his feet and then got her up, frowning at the painful way she moved as he folded up the lightweight loungers and carried them on one hand while reaching for her elbow with the other, steadying her..

"Don't expect much from me in the way of things requiring _mobility_." She stared pensively at her feet. "Haven't seen much of that in the last few years. Seems to be departing at a good rate. Yeah, I know what's up with it, but you have enough on your plate just now and it's something the TARDIS can handle on her own for the most part, she'll let you know when someone with _thumbs_ is needed. It'll make itself obvious shortly can feel the progression and it's going along at a good clip. It's not _that_ big of a deal, fairly normal for me, in fact. I've had to do it a few times. Let's be clear, I'm human...just a bit more. I don't know what or how I'm different, just that I am." There was a _lot_ more she could have told him, she _knew_ what the increasing pain, softening bones and lessening ability to move meant. She just thought it would send the Doctor screaming for the hills if he knew in advance...and she also knew he was a _sucker_ for babies. So she didn't mention that her Reversion was close.

 _He_ could have told anyone that many species had similar processes for life-cycles, her's wasn't the same as his, but then, she didn't know what her's _was_. She just knew she was _different_...but that was why the non-thinking thing this him had going on scared her. She was stuck with him and she knew it. She just hoped he handled the whole, 'Oh dear, she's turned onto a _newborn baby!'_ thing okay. She'd be starting over, from scratch...wouldn't be much help. Idly, she wondered if he knew how to change diapers.

Indeed, it _was_ close. He went to check on her when she didn't appear the next morning...his ship was laughing at him...and he didn't understand why until he poked his head into the crippled woman's bedroom. Apparently, the safe environment had been the final straw and during the artificial night the TARDIS had been the sole witness to the stranger's life-end cycle. Her life energy was silvery-blue instead of fire-hued gold, but it was _still_ similar. The ship had contained it with ease...only instead of a new appearance and personality there, there was the same person and personality, but in a newborn state...wiped clean of any information her infantile mind couldn't handle. The TARDIS located it locked away in her hind-brain, stored there until it was needed.

* * *

When the Eleventh Doctor...still claiming to be the Tenth saw the infant and got the rest of the story from his timeship, he sighed. "Knew she wasn't telling me something _important_." He muttered as he gathered the baby into his arms from the bed that had become a crib when the crippled older woman had reverted. She was too young now to even try to babble...she only yawned, then tested her lungs in a hungry complaint: Her lungs easily passed the test and had _him_ scrambling frantically for a bottle.

The Doctor settled into a routine fairly fast...between ruining The Master's plans and sending him packing again and retrieving his poor, abused hand. The TARDIS destroyed it upon receipt...once he got used to changing her nappies. His superior sense of smell was taking a superior beating just now...and that would continue for a few linear years. He wrinkled his nose and told her what a stinky butt she was as he cleaned her up and disposed of the balled up diaper. Her depth perception was getting better and this time when she lunged for his hair, she got a handful...and yanked.

"Ow! Awww, come on, baby, don't pull daddy's hair... _ **ow**_...let _go_ , honey..." He coaxed and gradually got his hair loose. It wasn't long after his new guest had become an infant that he actually dropped by UNIT for a car-seat...or something like it and when they found out why there were many chuckles.

"Oi, she's not human, close, but not quite...this is what happened..." He finally explained. "She's never off the TARDIS unless it's really safe in an 'I checked the timelines first', way and the ship makes sure her door is locked if she's on childwatch...taking no chances, yeah? If I'm busy, the TARDIS tends the babe, the door stays locked and the shields are up and active. And anyway, with a new daughter to look after, I'm not as busy as usual...except that who knew an infant took up so much of your time? _And let me tell you,_ the stuff that comes out the other end bears _no_ resemblance to what I fed her! How can something so tiny, loving and sweet produce smells that _vile?"_

Every parent in UNIT bellowed in laughter at that.

"And what is it with those angelic little smiles right before she bears down on her lower abs and passes wind that could knock out an elephant with the fumes?"

"Fairly normal baby, Doctor...learning new skills."

 _"Ew."_ He made a face.

"Yeah, but she's already good at _something_ , right?"

"Yeah...making _me_ tremble in dread when she needs changing. Me! Not many folks can _do_ that, make _me_ tremble in dread, I mean."

"Yeah, we know. Don't worry about it, you're on a rather steep learning curve, like most new parents."

"Who is it that needed to have a chat with me?"

"Oh, it's okay, it's safe enough, right through those doors...you'll see the obvious at once, I think." Kate grinned as she sent him into a hanger with two older selfs parked in it, with the infant on his hip.

"I need help with coming up with a name for her. Think about it while I'm talking with...?"

"Yourself. _Twice_." She paused. " _Elders_."

 _"Oh."_

"So maybe you better just ask _yourself_ what you named the child?"

"Yeah. I guess _so_."

Twelve and Thirteen started, eyes locked on the baby. "That's an _edit_." Twelve told Eleven."

"I don't care, she came to this me, chewed me out, gave me the answers I needed and _then_ reverted to infancy. On the TARDIS, no less. Ship insists I need to raise her myself."

"It's an edit, though. I don't _remember_ this bit." Thirteen told him.

Eleven explained, then said, "Argue about it with the TARDIS...see how far you get."

"Yeah, those _always_ cause an edit. Well, we can work around it." Twelve told him, knowing better than to argue with the ship.

"She didn't tell me what her name was. So I have to name her, mes."

"What was the rest of the edit?"

"Five's snagged Rose and will give her back when we crash." He pointed at the thumb-sucking infant on his hip. "Her idea, before she reverted to this age."

Twelve looked at Thirteen. "Well, _that_ explains it, she's reverted on me twice, during this body so far: Always seems to leave me busy with _domestic_ things...and a few bombshells, as a parting shot."

"Yeah, that she _does_. And as the first me to run across her, I had no warning. Her normal lifespan is about average for a human, but after that her bones start to go soft and then one sleep period, BOOM, _**Babytime**_. I still don't know what she is other than Human but Not."

"Nevermind that, her revision idea worked, we've both got a Rose with us. She's not aging, see. I'm going to take a wild guess and bet she's talking to herself on the video monitor. Probably about me. I guess I should go see if we have several children and another baby on board, now. Those memories are opening up." Thirteen groused.

"Yeah, they are...Sabrina Marie. Rose insisted. She didn't care for the Gallifreyan name, which she still _has_ , by the way. You gave her that and the human name too, it's just that she won't let us _call_ her by the other one, so we'll just leave you to it."

"Sabrina...that _is_ pretty. Totally hides the fact our little girl has such a fart capacity right now...who'd suspect a loaded _baby_ , after all?"

His elder-selves grimaced at the reminder of the first Diaper Days.

"Well, Rose's presence was what we had to check and that pans out. Let me take everything except the baby's name and let you get back to her next changing...I can already tell that's going to be a _very_ full diaper. You have a respiratory bypass... _engage it_." Thirteen told him, and the younger self let him, as he had to.

"Yeah." Twelve grinned. "So glad I'm not you anymore nor older me, yet."

"Oh gee, _thanks_ , Doctor."

" _No problem_ , Doctor."

" _Arsehole_."

* * *

~TBC~


	2. Learning Curve

Can a three year old _near_ human out-talk the Doctor? Sure can. How? Simple.

 _The list of 'Why' is almost endless_. The list of Doctor generated answers _**is**_ endless.

The list of Doctor generated answers a three year old, human or near to, can actually _understand_ , however, _is quite short_. The Doctor finds himself in the very odd position that many parents are familiar with: How to explain and be understood?

His verbalizing stuttered to a halt while he tries to figure out a way around all that...The Doctor discovers himself to be on a learning curve with lesson titles which include such things as: **_'The Do NOT Feed These Items To a Human Baby List', 'The Late Life Learning to Shop in Infant and Toddler Departments for Dummies: The List of DO NOTs'_ ** and the general rules, led by the _**'Big, Blue, Pleading, Tear-filled Eyes and Trembling Lip-pouts Are** _**Dangerous** _'_ one...which was _directly_ responsible for the nursing collie and her puppies in the Garden area nearest Sabrina's Nursery and the nearly fifty kittens running all over the TARDIS...and let's not forget the birds...and the _fish_...and the _pony_...and the...well, he'd rather not think about _that_ critter.

 _He'd never had much resistance to a crying female anyway..._

* * *

 _ **02**_

 _ **Hadn't Expected That**_

 _ **Learning Curve**_

* * *

He could have... _should_ have predicted that it would come at a time when he was _extremely_ busy with Sabrina. He'd thought he'd already gotten through most of the Do NOT Feed list, but apparently he needed to add _guar_ berries to it, which were fine for older humans, but they had loosened _her_ stools to 'impossible to contain' while adding a full rainbow of possible colors to her training pants...and the questions that arose to the tune of 'Daddy, _why_ is _that_ part green and _that_ part pink and _that_ part blue like our house and...' from the interesting hues were just a little hard to find a way to _not_ answer. Because he really didn't want to explain it, plus she'd never get it. Not yet, she was still too young.

He explained rapidly about Sabrina's presence on the TARDIS to Rose, aware of the bemused smile on his younger self's face when he then grasped his pink and yellow human's face in both hands, kissed her like mad and said, "I love you, we will have time later but right now me and I need to resolve this situation and I just found out the hard way not to feed _guar berry salad_ to a human three year old. She needs changing...frequently. I've been doing that but she needs it now and I _can't_. Can't leave her with full training pants, though, either...I promise, when we're properly separated, Fifth will land in my library and we'll have a good visit with the past...all the rules change when I'm married, see? All of me can be here, without any paradoxes...and I can't think of anywhere other than with you that any me would rather be." He locked eyes with himself over her head and got a sharp nod of agreement to that statement. I get along with myself much better than I used to, okay? Well, _this_ me does. Can't say about next me and I have some doubts on last me...but you can manage last me with just _one_ disappointed expression, so..."

Rose laughed, scooped up the child and took her to the changing table on the left side of the console room while the Doctor...both of him...dealt with the other problem. She felt the lurch when the ships separated, but she was still with the elder of the two when the blonde one went back to his own time and tenure for a moment, recalibrated and then rematerialized properly in the library. She had changed Sabrina quickly and with an expert's hand...and it wasn't until after Fifth departed that this Doctor noted that one of the items she'd brought with her included a baby-seat...with a little boy in it...one that looked a whole lot like Big Ears in his build and apparent personality, except with Eight's hair and eye color and Rose's face and smile...he was enchanted immediately by a child he was _sure_ was his son.

"You, _um_ , that you, young you, materialized the TARDIS around me as this you faded away, at the beach." She told him. "This is Jason Chase. The other you want to go the other way but I thought it sounded _way_ too Jackish. You, baby you, delivered him...and later gave him what that you called a _loomish_ sort of name...said he tucked it away and the TARDIS knows _where_."

He laughed softly, picking the boy up. "Chase Jason? It would, _yeah_. Once all of me are here, we'll introduce the ones that Jack doesn't know to him...Fifth will get it at that point." He shifted the boy to his shoulder and cocked his head a bit. "I'm back. the TARDIS is going to merge with herself properly, become a single ship. And with the fact you're my wife, she can do that but she's has got to do it right. The crash wasn't the right way." He told her as Rose put Sabrina on her hip and he wrapped his free arm around her waist. "Mine, right, _you_ I mean. Mine?"

"Yeah. _Always_. From Run. You ruined me for anyone that _isn't_ you."

A tear ran down his face as he leaned over to kiss her again. "Your's." He told her softly. "Your Doctor. _Your's_." He felt the TARDIS pry the memory of his son's Name from it's hiding place and grinned like mad...that memory also had the results from the normal, run of the mill DNA test run on any child, any species, at birth in most of the universe. As well as Five's utter shock _and joy_ when he realized _he'd just delivered his own son._

"Yeah...mine. _Every last bit and body._ Told Five that, too." She smiled at his Fifth form, who was grinning like a lunatic at him from the corridor doorway.

"She made me swear that it's all for one and she can have _all_ of me. So, I had to explain about the retirement verses, and then I had to get my TARDIS to call all of me out of retirement for a merge, then from me on, all the way to you, each ship has merged with all the others. She's just one ship now, but all of me through the one before the one you are now here and in her...that's why I...all of me...were kicked out of my much younger ships." He told the cuckoo looking later form. True, Rose _had_ said he was more emu-ish with _a dash of startled, half-grown, moulting chicken_ , and after the elder one had run his fingers through his hair a few times, Five understood that completely.

* * *

He shook his head at himself ruefully.

"What?"

"Got a mirror handy?"

"Um, yeah, I _think_ so." He rummaged through a bin and found one. "yeah, thought so. Now what?"

"Have a look at yourself. The thought here is 'Startled, half-grown, moulting chicken...and a _hen_ at that, along with a good dash of Emu."

"Oi!" He looked at his reflection in disgust and dug in his pockets for a comb. Rose handed him something she'd gotten from Sixth who used it as hairspray. It wasn't, but it worked like it. He frowned at her.

"What? Stopped in for a chat and I asked you what that you was using. Told you why and then showed you this..." He was shown a picture on her phone that was worse than the one he'd just fixed.

"Oi. And I donated this"

"Yeah...after that you stopped laughing."

"Yes, well, all right. Later though."

"Not in your pocket, you daft thing...what if the lid comes off in there?"

"Good point." He put it on the console instead and it promptly disappeared, relocated to his en-suite. "Last us didn't need it," He told Five, "But we got lucky with the hair type this body and I would like it to stay where it's put...as it is, it wanders off...like some other people I could name. The list is very long by time you're this me...they _never_ stay where we put them, so don't bother trying...just _try_ to keep up with them is all we can really do."

"Oi! Ain't that the truth!" Another version which had turned, greatly surprised as Eleventh's version took her other selves and landed in Twelve's TARDIS as soon as her merge was complete. "All your varied selves will merge too, but not me...I'll warn you now, it's going to feel quite strange."

"Did you know we got reset at the end of your watch? I've met our Fourteenth Form, Thirteenth Regeneration." Eleven told him. "Your version has to make the _final_ hop."

"On the upside, what idiot is going to start something with fourteen versions of you...and all of the skill-sets that come with the many forms of my husband?" Rose pointed out with a grin. "Plus who or whatever you had riding with you at any given point."

"So true...you're a bit wobbly there, the TARDIS must be merging you with your younger self." That was her first Doctor, his hands steady on her shoulders as she swayed with the odd sensation. "Added a whole new definition to 'The Best' when I found you. Anyway, the entire first life-cycle set is present, cuz we're completed. The second set will be TARDIS stored and she'll keep each of her selves until that cycle completes...and then you get a another set of twelve mes...twenty-four in all, at that point. All your's. Never thought I've be part of a one man harem, but..."

* * *

She surprised him...all of him...and for once Eleven understood when Rose froze, turned in Ten's arms, wrapped both arms around his waist and promptly burst into tears...and _not_ the happy kind, either. Martha had explained 'first love' to him once, when he'd told her that Rose had taken his other form's loss hard and had gotten snippy about still being here, after all. After that explanation, he'd felt ashamed. Still did, so he explained it, silently, mind to mind, to the rest of himself. Ten's face turned pale, then seriously concerned as he gathered Rose to himself. Several other forms gathered round, the shaggy looking Eight being closest, exerting his skills to support and try to calm his wife. He was surprised to be pushed aside and saw her just cry harder.

"Let her get it out of her system." Twelve told him from the corridor opening. "She knows she needs to get it out, she'll deal with it better that way. She's alright, she's just got a huge backlog of tears to get rid of, just now. Most of them began when this us turned into Pinstripes over there without much warning. She thought she'd gotten to me in time, see...and didn't understand."

Eight _had_ got the rest of the complicated chain of events...which he could keep, actually...retired, him...and sighed. Strong as a Dalek shell alloy, yet as fragile as an actual rose petal deposited in liquid helium...when it came to himself. Any self...but especially that self...to whom she had handed over spirit as well as body, heart and mind...and whom she'd lost not three minutes after doing so...silently he asked for the details of what came after and found her mind to be an open door, nothing blocked away from his Seeing, for her trust of him was strong. And he dragged Eleven in to see his frantic flight back to the Estates, the jars and falls she had taken, the concussions she had received and how still...still, she'd attended to his needs first, frantic with worry as London was attacked and not knowing what to do to help.

 _She didn't give up on me,_ Eleven grieved at the truth he and his fragile ego had misunderstood _she stepped up to fill our shoes when she had to. She thought of what I might do and tried to apply what I'd taught her...she was playing for something she didn't know how to make more of or that she could ask the TARDIS for...Time for me to get back on my feet and so..._

 _So your me accused her of giving up on me. After what she'd just gone through to get me back, and you tell her something like that?_ Ten's mental voice was upset, though he didn't give any surface sign except to hold her little bit closer. He felt her move her face to look up at him, looked down and found himself in an immediate liplock. He froze, changed the angle and returned it, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as the open end of the part of the bond made for him sought him out, connected, was deliberately drawn in closer and firmly attached to himself. On purpose.

The reaction up and down his time line as immediate, Eleven, Twelve and the newly arrived Thirteen arched into it, their portion shifting and dancing brilliantly like fairy lights in the dawn...the past versions felt themselves reeled in, wrapped in her love, care and acceptance of all they were, all they had been and all that they could be...that portion of her that had found a better answer for Nine than using the Moment the way it was designed to be used...the War Doctor saw her as he joined the gathering of selves and he smiled at the way she seemed to be devouring his next mouth. Of course, she had also climbed up the lean, rangy form and had wrapped her legs around his waist, locking her ankles and had that form in a near headlock to keep his mouth where she thought it belonged.

On her's.

He also noted that, if the grip on her bottom was any indication, that self agreed with her. The slight humping he was doing was also a clue. The console room desktop was changing around them now, turning into what looked like a boudoir...or a pleasure house and he snapped at the TARDIS to at least use better taste. Clara, having arrived with Thirteen and not being present currently with Twelve, gave his last form a sad little smile and gathered up both children. She couldn't ride with any of him now, she knew. She had no place here...and truthfully she didn't really want to. Not with next him, her time with last him was over and she knew it was time to move on.

A moment later Eight specified something and it wavered at high end brothel before shifting to something that clearly stated what it _could_ be used for, but was also suitable for non-residents. Thirteen grinned a bit and she added a futon style sectional couch...with a very wide seat and a backrest that could lie flat. The next moment, Eight's head shot around and he locked eyes with Clara. She smiled again, shook her head and disappeared down the hallway.

While Ten and Rose were busy, the rest of him put in requests until the console room was rather large...two large areas, one for Ten and one for Rose, left blank and ready to be filled. The console itself was changed to a series of stations along the wall and the center of the room was left clear of obstructions.

By the time he raised his head, and she looked down at him...and he realized just exactly what her position was and how he was gripping her bum...he no longer really minded.

"Oi, you sure she hasn't developed a bypass?" Three wanted to know, trying to adjust himself.

* * *

"Thirteen, did you make a promise of _any_ kind to the human with you?" Eighth wanted to know.

"Ah...um...possibly. I didn't know Rose would ever come back...and I thought I had a second chance..."

"Thought so. She understands, but she wants to move on, now. She's got the kids in hand and is asking the ship to take her...no...find her a home. A real home...with people she can love and who love her...and...are not _any_ of me. She wants me...yes...me, this me...to take her memories of me away, to erase them so she can stop hurting."

Twelve shuddered, remembering Clara's Walk, explaining to the rest and to Rose what Clara had done, how many deaths she had suffered to see it through...and how _badly_ she must be hurting just now. Eight nodded. "I have a wife already and will not trade you for any other." Twelve told Rose with tears in his eyes...but she needs to be allowed to forget. I think this a loop for her...and that it is closing."

"No, not that." Clara spoke from behind him, having settled the kids down for naps. "You are my father and Rose is my mother...and I haven't happened yet. Nor has the you that engendered me. And I'm really tired of hiding it...but I can't stay here and now... _and I don't know where you are_."

Rose moved first, gathering Clara up into her arms and pulling her face into her shoulder. "Well? Don't just stand around, find yourself!" She snapped, leading the girl to Four. "Look, this is your dad's Fourth form...isn't that a silly thing to have wrapped round his throat? Must strangle himself fifty times a day."

"Oi!" Four protested good-naturedly, but he drew Clara into the protective circle of his arms...he could see the beginning of Clara's time line branching off from his own in his distant future and locked eyes with a nodding First...he could see it too.

"Mum?"

"Yes Clara?

"There's fourteen of Dad here...all trying to drive at the same time...one's bad enough, but with so many...how many kinds of lost are we actually talking about, here?"

"Good point." She stopped all of them and told them. "One of the cyclic firsts...either the actual First or The thirteenth will drive...the rest of you, sit!"

And in the end First and Thirteenth worked together to find the form which had actually gotten Rose pregnant with Clara.

"How many?" Rose wanted to know after several misses.

"Forms forward or siblings?"

"Both."

Eighty seven for the one, over fifty for the other...you're not aging, y'know, so you never actually make it to menopause. And you were pregnant again when I got lost."

"Fifty..."

"Over, sometimes you have twins, so how much over, not sure." Clara told her with a straight face that didn't fool Eight in the least. He burst out laughing and shook a finger at his daughter. "Not nice to tease your mum like that."

"Clara!" Rose scolded.

"What? You're asking for future bits and _deserved_ it."

Ten looked over at Rose. "She has a point."

"Yeah, suppose she does." Rose grumbled. Ten chose not to mention what he'd picked up...all of him. It was the other way round, fifty full cycles and counting, for him, 87 kids and counting for Rose. He did lock eyes with himselves though, most of them doing some variation of a long, slow, low mental whistle. On the upside, her version of her parents would be looking for _them_ , now, too, since they had _way_ too much foreknowledge now...so that bit went smoother.

She left Four a bit later and settled next to Twelve, leaning against her father the way she used to and which had often made him look at her funny.

"You okay?" This him got it now and drew her close.

"Yeah, sort of. Better now, thanks. This you almost got repeated, 'cept my dad's you is a dishwater blonde...personality is very close...trousers _are_ a bit longer in the leg, though."

"Ah." Understanding burst from Twelve to the inter-Doctor self-comm and Thirteen's eyes showed compassion. "So, you thought you were gonna to never be...and have to watch it...and loose a near copy of your progenitor's me at the same time. You didn't reject me...you were in _time-shock_. My poor baby."

"And then...you wouldn't..."

"Hold you."

Tears dropped openly down her face. "And I couldn't tell you _why_ I needed you to."

* * *

Twelve had her in his lap in the next instant, the TARDIS crooning to the time-lost daughter of her pilot as another, _extra_ TARDIS landed several feet away. Clara's aching need for her _own_ version of her father had drawn the much older TARDIS in like a beacon.

It was strange, Rose thought, to see two forms so much alike, both bowed over her future daughter like two halves of a sheltering umbrella. She saw her face on the monitor and stepped closer. "I'll stay in here, we can at least talk without doing something stupid."

She laughed, eyes watching Twelve ease Clara into the lap...whatever number that was..."Your him has her now. Twelve and he are really close in looks and personality, though."

Twelve wiped her eyes as she looked up and saw her own version of him, the self that was her actual, physical father...and burrowed her face into the side of his neck.

"She walked the time-stream...on my watch, because I look like your me."

"Yeah," He nodded. It was eerie, how similar even the voices were. "I made the mistake, once, of asking the TARDIS what she was doing and she told me she'd _just_ started that walk. I didn't put the pieces together until the old girl put up an image of this self and one of your self, side by side." He winced and held their daughter a little closer. "Then the thing with Nine and Eleven with Liz 1, ...she said BE a Doctor. What she meant was _be the father she had always known_...didn't understand that until right now, by the way."

Twelve flinched. "It worked. Never understood why her good opinion was so vital to me. Obvious now, yeah?"

"Yeah. You know you can't have the details, only that she's your daughter of a future you and had got time-lost...until you located her...and asked her to come along."

"And as the well trained time-tot she is, she never gave me any reason to look deeper...let alone in _that_ direction."

"And she only came on Wednesdays...roughly one day a week her time, because she was terrified of screwing something up." Thirteen nodded.

"Though, if it happens again, TELL me...let _me_ sort it out, okay?" Twelve told her, cupping her cheek. "You are my child, whatever body I'm in...and if you _need_ help you need to tell Daddy so I _can_ help. Okay?" A thought occurred to Thirteen.

"By the way...how old is she in Human years?"

"Sixteen."

"OI!" Ten burst out. _"You will bloody tell me if you slip again, Clara_. Do you understand? Tell the bloody ship and let her tell me and we'll will _**un**_ -lose you, okay?"

She nodded tentatively.

The younger version of her mum smiled at Clara. "Let me clue you in on something about the rough looking one. Let Ten hold you, just for a bit, okay? He'll stabilize you...and once he's got you part way there, Eight will do the rest."

The undetermined future Doctor grinned as his Tenth form, still easily _the softest touch_ in the lot so far, got those long arms around their daughter...filling her with a particular kind of strength that he didn't even realize he was imparting. It was just a part of that body he could share.

Eight was grinning as soon as he realized exactly what Ten was doing...and didn't know it. He slipped into place and was ready when Ten passed her his Empathic form to finish the job. He passed the by then, passed out sixteen year old to his elder, blondish, form.

 _"Try not to lose her again."_

"I hope not, being that frantic isn't fun. We were on Bratticah three when a auto-repeating polarized time-storm...the sort that travels at odd angles linearly, swept over that side of the planet. Nothing I could do." He felt all of his selves present and those in his own version of the ship wince. He shuddered and felt Ten's strong hand on his elder self's shoulder, quietly supportive. " _She was just gone_. And then she Walked and I knew she had _drawn_ the Storm as a vehicle for a loop..."

"And he relaxed, while I was going nuts. Relax, your me went to your room, so this me could come out. Ten...she said to tell you she needs a hand in your en-suite...something's stuck, I _think_."

Eight, Eleven,Twelve, Thirteen and her version caught the slight laughter in her tone. Ten had already left the room. Eight caught it because he was an Empath, the rest caught it as a memory began opening up...blindsiding the younger ones of him. Her version remembered it quite well...and he grinned at her toothily.

Rose was stuck alright, she was naked in the shower...stuck _without_ an equally naked Doctor and she was _frustrated_.

"Oi, other you said you were stuc...k." His voice petered out as he took the hand she held out...and stepped into the water fully clothed.

She started stripping him to his skin. " _Mine_." She told him firmly.

"No, no there wouldn't be. Okay, mes...let's imprint her. She's as jeopardy friendly as her mama." Ten suggested. "If she slips off again, we'll want her to 'snap' straight to the TARDIS."

All heads turned as a horrid smell filled the room...just as Seven walked up holding a critter that had them drawing back in alarm. "What I want to know is which of me decided an _undescented_ pet skunk was perfect for the TARDIS."

"It's Sabrina's." Eleven sighed, holding his nose and kicking in his bypass.

~tbc~


End file.
